To Hold On or Let Go

If you are a parent and your children have reached their teens, you have more than likely asked yourself, "Do I hold on, continue to push and stay on their backs; or do I resign to the fact that they have to want it for themselves and it's time to give up?" Either way, keep reading . . .

Prior to having your baby, you have big dreams. You want them to have more gifts, opportunities and experiences than you had. You want them to have the best of everything. No matter your race, age or country of origin, you want better for our children. We want them to reflect the best of ourselves, or be even better. We want them to have peace, prosperity and happiness. And the majority of parents are willing to move heaven and earth to make those dreams possible.

Does our desire as parents set our children up for success or failure?

Once they are born, we give them all that we can. We are imperfect, and so it is often hard to give them everything we would like too, but we give them our best. Even "bad" parents usually want their children to have better. You find parents who are gang-related, drug dealing, drug taking, prostitutes, thieves, even murderers that want their children to go in another direction. They counsel them about making the right decisions. They remind them that every decision has at least one good outcome and more than one bad outcome. They tell them, by phone, in letters, or in person, that their future depends on the decisions they make today.

"Good" parents - loving, caring, and engaging - do all they can to put their children on the right path. They are active parents from elementary to high school. They play with their kids, eat with their kids, read to their kids, tuck them in at night and always has a listening ear for whenever their children need to talk. They are far from perfect, but they try, through their counsel and more importantly, their example, to give the best, expect the best, and love their children unconditionally.

Some children seem to be born with the desire to be their best. There are children who are abandoned  abused, mistreated, under fed, not properly clothed, etc, etc. Yet they rise above it all. They do well for themselves. Some go on to college, the military, or to work. They take pride in themselves and reach out for a better future than to relive their past.

What do you do when you have done all that you knew to do; given them all the support a child could need or want; and when what you have isn't enough you seek out others to help...and your child continues to do nothing?

• You have a child who either does not go to school, or when they do, they fail to perform. 
• You have a child that won't get a job, or can't keep a job. 
• You have a child making babies without any way to care for them.
• You have a child that is hanging out, coming in late, or not at all.
• You have a child who is disrespectful and lies without cause.
• You have a child abusing drugs and alcohol.
• You have a child committing crimes.

After awhile, parents get tired. Parents get sick of talking, counseling, yelling, punishing, and talking some more. At some point a parent has to ask:

 Do I continue to hold on or let go?

I do not have the answers.  What I do know is that there are parents who have given up, and others that hold on no matter what. Why, and how they reach that decision is as unique as the number children on earth. What is interesting to note is that the parents of the two men responsible for the Boston bombings will always see them as their babies. They did not close their eyes and wish that their boys would become murderers. They raised them in the United States so they would have better opportunities.

If they don't give up on their kids, why would we?

What I do know is that the actions of our children do not change the love of a parent. What we may need to change is the access our children have to negatively impact our lives. What would you do, have you done, plan to do? Leave comments so we can help each other.

Lala Lollie